Snackline Media: Coca-Cola Life

It was the best of sodas, it was the worst of sodas. Coca-Cola Life giveth, and it taketh away. It rests between light and shadow, mind and matter, illusion and reality. I guess what I’m saying is that this soda is a noncommittal piece of crap.

Have you ever ordered a Coke, and realized upon drinking that you were accidentally given a Diet Coke? Or, if you’re a diet drinker, the reverse? Good news: Coca-Cola Life is that experience in a bottle. If you like becaloried sodas, Life has that shallow, hollow diet flavor that leaves a weird taste and fails to satisfy. If instead you prefer your drinks diet, Life will taste strangely off, and have calories to boot! It is like mixing Coke and Diet Coke fifty-fifty and why would you ever do that.

If diet sodas were a new concept, maybe this drink would have a place. It’s a partial compromise towards health while still at least reminding you of what regular soda is like. But this is 2015, and diet soda has been a thing for fifty fucking years. You know by now where you stand- are you being sensible to your body, or are you here for a goddamn soda? Our society has no patience for a soda too chickenshit to choose a side.

Fuck you, Coca-Cola Life. God dammit. At least Mtn Dew Dewshine had the courage to try something. You’re just a waffling wuss.