Overscan: Amp Energy BOOST

This review is a response to Ben’s review early today.

Forgive my poor friend Ben- in his ignorance he has tasted purity, and known it not. Amp is a poison, this is true- it is toxic to the unwary and the unloyal. Betrayers and cowards flee before its sixteen ounces of liquid justice. I tell you this so that you are forewarned, dear reader: its majesty is hard for some to stomach. But should you tolerate its neon fire, its cleansing heat will leave you a new man.

Let me tell you a story. When I was in high school, I took photography, and it was only available as an Early Bird class. I cannot say what manner of avian I am, but it is not of any morning breed. I hate mornings. But I liked this class, and the teacher was pretty cool… so I needed to stay awake.

My solution was the vending machine right outside the classroom- it had Mountain Dew, Diet Mountain Dew, 7Up, and Diet 7Up. That was it. With those options, I started down the Mountain trail. Soda was a rarity for me before then, and my lack of tolerance combined with the early morning meant it hit me like a truck. My eyes would water with the twin strike of caffeine and sugar, and I’ve been a fan ever since. My tolerance is far greater than it was, however. Mountain Dew wouldn’t make me cry today short of punching me in the nose.

amplineup

An array of pretenders… one true king.

 

Amp is the primordial Dew, the real deal. Amp’s flavor, on a basic level, is reminiscent of Mountain Dew… but rather than the simple, sweet and sharp flavor of Dew, it tastes vicious and metallic and chemically. Drinking Amp is like drinking Dew mixed with liquid metal, with the acrid kick of more caffeine and guarana to boot. BOOST is the only flavor worth drinking- the other two are like cough medicine. But that green can is the best kind of test tube death. It’s a genuine pleasure.

You know who you are. You know what you like. Ben can’t tell his Double Cola from his Mr. Pibb. I can identify a Goose Island Root Beer at a thousand paces. If you don’t drink soda, Amp is hell on earth. But if your stomach is the crucible where caffeine and sugar alchemize into greatness… motherfucker, try some Amp. This shit’s for real.

THE RATING: YEP.