Buy Stock in StreetPass Rabbit

Well, goddamn. When Nintendo updated the 3DS to add a businessman rabbit that used classic sales tactics to fleece you of your hard-earned dough, I nodded in respect. Don’t pretend that you’re different from used car salesmen, embrace how creepy your hard sell is. A kind of honesty I appreciate.

What I did not expect was the news today that the long-eared conman has thus far fast-talked customers out of a total of four million dollars. Let’s consider that for a moment. It’s a total of four little games, costing $15 dollars as a bundle. If everyone bought the full bundle, didn’t just buy one or two games, that’s two hundred and sixty six thousand people (rounded down) that this bunny has talked into buying some SpotPass games. Of course, it’s all but certain that not everyone bought all the games, so the number of victims is likely even higher.

It terrifies me as much as it delights me to know that a digital shark with a rabbit’s face can be met with this much success. Here’s to hoping that rabbit becomes part of the 3DS’s core UI in the future. “What’s that, you want to play Zelda? Well, you’re in luck. I’ve got a special deal, just for you, limited time, manager would kill me if he knew but I like you, so I’m putting my neck on the line.” Cheers, to our AI sleazeball future.