Goddamn Mondays: 7/22

This week, we’re going deep into the world of Don’t Starve. It’s not my first time to rodeo with this game, but given how quickly it manages to kick my ass, I doubt you’ll notice a lack of the incompetence that usually defines this feature. Enjoy!

What dramatic event ended with me being thrown (violently, one would assume) onto this strange island is unclear, but within moments, also quiet irrelevant. When you wake up in a strange place, alone, with no resources, your first move is beyond obvious: get the essentials. Find a place where you will be safe, find some food, and move up from there.

As I begin to explore the island, my first encounter is a lucky one. There are a bunch of sinister looking flowers- the game helpfully labels them “Evil Flowers”- surroudning a series of stone columns. Off to the side of them is a spear, stuck in the ground. I grab the spear, hefting it. A reassuring weight. There are certainly beings on this island for whom the spear is a pitifully inadequate defense, but it makes me feel better knowing I have something. Thusly equipped, I search for resources.


A brief scavenging period turns up twigs, grass, carrots, berries, flint, and flower petals. I use the flint and the twigs to make an axe and a pickaxe, and use those to gather logs, rocks, and nitre. I’ve got no idea what nitre is good for, but anything that I can pick up, I am taking. After a bit more wandering, I find a road, and as dusk nears, I set up a fire pit at the side of the road. Since fire pits can be reused in the future, I figure it’s best to put it near something I can easily find. Night falls, and I wait by my fire, munching on carrots and holding my spear idly. The only sound is the crackle of the fire- no animals or movement in the darkness. The end of day one.

Day two’s adventures begin as soon as the sun rises. I pass a ring of mushrooms, and eye it uncomfortably, but the fungus convention makes no sudden moves, so I pass on by. The grim doesn’t stop there, however- a small ways north, I happen upon a nest of spiders. These aren’t little webspinners, neither- each one is about as big as my head. I’m about to run away, when I remember my spear. “No,” I think, “eff that. Let’s stab some spiders.”

I take it to ’em. They bite me a few times. But I stab them a few times more. Then I go to their nest and smash it to pieces. I wander around for a bit longer, then I head back to my firepit for the night. I make a meal of some berries and carrots as I wait for the sun to return. Not a very productive day. If I want to get somewhere, I’m gonna have to step it up. Find more exotic resources before the danger ramps up.

Another night has passed without sleep. I need to find stuff to make new tools with. That means venturing far and wide, so I set out immediately in a new direction. After a short sprint through the woods, I reach a swamp. There are twisted, gnarly-looking trees and a pair of pig heads, stuck on sticks. That makes me a bit nervous. Well, let’s see what else this swamp has to offer. I take a few more steps and suddenly a tentacle bursts from the ground. I stand, stunned, for a moment, and then the tentacle bitchslaps me, erasing half my life bar.


Sitting in front of my computer, I let out a yelp of panic and send my character fleeing wildly away as fast as I can. As I run, more tentacles emerge in my wake, not fast enough to hit me again but plenty fast enough to scare the bejesus out of me. After running for a while, I realize I have no idea where I am. Well, I did say I wanted to find new things… so I run with it. I wander further north, and after wandering through another forest, I find a collection of small houses. I mouse over it, and it says “Pig House.” Ah, yes. Back in the swamp, I saw the head of those pig men. This must be where they live. The lights are on inside these, so I guess these ones are alive and well.

I’m out of time, so I start another fire, and settle down to wait the night out. The only interruption is a pair of spiders moving in on me, thinking they’re clever. The spear prevails, and the sun rises.

Day four. It seems I have grown a beard. And I have no choice but to go further afield, searching for the rare resources that have proven elusive thus far. I stroll past a tombstone, and finally find what I’m looking for- a boulder to mine. I bust out my pickaxe, and go to town. Baby, gimme some gold, gimme some… wha? The boulder explodes, as expected, but underneath is a massive hole in the earth, with a rope dangling down into it. A cave, eh? What’s in the caaaaave?

Danger, to be sure. Probably something that will kill me, as badly wounded as I am already. Well, shit. I’m all for adventure. Let’s go die in the dark.

This story will conclude next week! Hope the cliffhanger isn’t too much for you in the interim. See you then!